Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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