well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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