I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
