This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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