i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
