It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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