That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
