i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
