I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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