your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
