Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
