I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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