she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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