I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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