I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
