I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
