I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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