hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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