As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
