The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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