This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
