I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
