i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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