well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
