Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
