I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You need a sexual gate keeper
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
