Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
