I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
