Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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