naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
