dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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