my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
