you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
