you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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