I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
