have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
