We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
