My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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