"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
