Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also, beer. Big fan.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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