Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
