Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
