Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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