can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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