umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
