Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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