Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
