someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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