let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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