I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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