i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
