I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
